Mommy to be!

And then I saw the two lines forming in front of my eyes!

Can you explain the feeling of love, exciting, fear, adrenaline all together? Is there a word for it. I don't think so. One can only feel it, and I had that moment on a Sunday afternoon, 18th December, 2011. In a span of few minutes my whole life changed. I took a deep breath, stared at my reflection on the mirror, and simply laughed inside the loo. Do I look any different? Have I changed? Does it show on my face.
OMG, I'm going to have a baby!
 
I can't believe it. I've never imagined myself as a MOMMA. Yes! I’ve a habit of creating hypothetical situations, and even dealing with it all in my mind. For instance, I’ve often imagined myself to be divorced from hubby, and living alone, somewhere far off in my own cloud cuckoo world with my parents. I imagined winning the KBCs and made plans about how I’ll spend the money and stuff like that. But, I have never considered myself as a mommy material. Never thought for a second, how will it feel to have a life growing inside you, to have the whole sole responsibility of a baby. The thought seemed alien to me a year back.
But from past 6 month, the idea of motherhood was tickling me really badly. Suddenly, I was desperate to have a baby. For reason unknown to me, I was almost wishing it happens every month. And it did. In the bathroom, I hugged myself almost clutching the news to myself and wondering how to break it to my man. I peeped through the bathroom door and saw him watching TV intently. I lay down next to him and hugged him close.
And I was about to say, when he asked:
"So", are you?
I said: "Yes"
After 4 and half years of marriage, I know petty "words" are never a means of communication between us. Hopefully, we'll sail through this in our own unique way.


P.S. I know I am too late in jotting down my pregnancy journey, I am almost 6 month pregnant now, and the baby belly is just about visible.
God, I can't wait to flaunt my belly.

Boss is always RIGHT. Boss is Never WRONG!

Ever been ambushed by your boss? Yes! You’re not alone. We professionals often go through kill-the-boss moments in life.

I have faced days when I was moved to tears, days when I gave right back, and on some I remained as calm as a cucumber. I’d say in this short span of professional life, I was pretty much able to hold the reins of integrity every time I faced this animal called boss. Virtually I guess we all accept that this animal will remain a part of our life for as long as we decide to work, or till we become a boss ourselves.

Remember that movie Yes Boss! How Shahrukh always agreed with whatever the boss’s said. That’s actually is a true mantra of leading a successful professional life.

1^st Mantra: Boss is always RIGHT
2^nd Mantra: Boss is never WRONG.

My journey, though short have been pretty much amazing. My first boss was Avinash Mudaliar, the quizzer who use to sport crazy long curls (now he has chopped it), and wear half sweaters in the chill of the air-conditioner during the summers. Impromptu, he’d call us in his cabin and ask us questions like, have you heard that no. from Billy Joel? In Times Internet Limited, I met some of the most talented people. I was completely awed by them. Maybe because I was a novice at the time.

If that was awesome, my stint with bestylish.com gave me a direction. Being a Junior Content Writer there, gave me an opportunity to work with two of the most endowed people: Jayashree Jayaraman and Kamal Krishna. If Jayashree is quiet, contended, and talented, KK was simply brilliant and inspiring. They both opened a window in my life which taught me so much about, my capability, work, and more. At that time, I didn’t knew how to cope with them, how to deal with the comments, the criticism, the craziness, the spur-of-the-moment retorts.

 “Hey listen, don’t teach your father how to fuck alright.”
Or
 Your copy lacks SEX, it's not seducing me at all.

That was how it was with them. Right in your face. No frills, no beating around the bush, simple, straightforward and damn hilarious. They sometimes made me feel inept, scared, lonely or even hateful, but they never BORED me. Not for a second. 

Now that I've left them behind, I realize that I've learned a lot from each one of them. I may not have the courage to tell them how impressed I was at the time. I was always aware. But I guess I was too busy trying to make an impression myself.

Mathura Nagarpati...!!

I’m a huge fan of Nick Hornby's books. I’ve read High Fidelity in my college days and was completely taken by it. Hornby is known for humour, and this one was no different. This book was primarily about music, and the happenings in the life of the protagonist. But the one part that I remember distinctly is that, the hero had a habit of making a top five list for every little things. For instance, he will make a list of top 5 favourite movies, top 5 Favourite dialogues, top 5 sad songs.etc. So, after reading the book I also started doing the same. But like most thing, this lame habit of mine got lost with time. And, thankfully it did. Though I’ve never been quite good at listing my favourites, coz after reaching the top 3, I start floundering.
List or no list. I love music. Starting from Begum Akhtar to Pink Floyd, I have heard them all. Though, I don’t claim to be an expert in the genre, but I’ve a decent idea about few of the ones I like. So when I listened to “Mathura Nagarpati” from Raincoat for the 1^st time, it blew me away. The lyricist of this song is Rituporno Ghosh, a much acclaimed director, actor, trans-drsser and what not. So, when I came to know 6 years back, that he wrote the lyrics in brij bhasha, I was surprised. And I am still very much besotted to this number. The song is written from the point of view of one of Lord Krishna’s wife, she is sadly observing the changes in Lord Krishna, who is the King of Mathura, desperate to leave the place to visit his childhood place, Gokul, to meet his sweetheart Radha. The song questions Krishna's reasoning for doing such an act. And the wife’s struggle, sorrow in knowing that he’ll return to Radha without a backward glance.

Such melancholy, I say!

Here’s the English translation of the song I found on the net.

Subah subah ka khyaal aaj
Early in the morning the thought arose
Wapas gokul chal mathura raaj
to go back to Gokul, in the king of Mathura's mind
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum gokuljaaon
Oh lord of Mathura why are you going to Gokul
Manohar vesh chhod nand raaj
Leaving this beautiful attire oh son of Nanda
Sar se utaarke sundar taaj
Removing the beautiful crown from your head
Raj dand chhod bhumi par vaaj
Giving up ruling this world
Phir kaahe baansuri bajaao
Why are you playing the flute again?
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum gokuljaao
Oh lord of Mathura why are you going to Gokul

Kaun sa anokhageet gaye pee kakool
What unique song did the cuckoo sing
Raj paat jaise aaj bhaidhool
That made you leave the throne like so much dirt
Kaun sa anokhageet gaaye pee kakool
What unique song did the cuckoo sing
Birhan laage phir hridaya akool
That the pangs of separation are stirred anew
Raj kaaj man na lagaao
The heart is no longer in kingly matters
Mathura nagarpati kkahe tum Gokuljaao
Oh lord of Mathura why are you going to Gokul

Poor naari saari vyakul nayan
Men and women watched with anxious eyes
Kusum sajaa lage kantak shayan
The flowers strewn on the bed felt like thorns
Poor naari saari vyakul nayan
Men and women watched with anxious eyes
Raat bhar madhav jaagat bechain
As Maadhav stayed awake the whole restless night
Kaahe aadhi raat saarathi bulaayo
Why did he call the charioteer in the middle of the night
Mathura nagarpati?..

Dheere dheere pahunchat jamuna ke teer
Slowly he reached the shores of the Jamuna
Sunsaan panghat mridul sameer
Lonely banks, soft breeze
Dheere dheere pahunchat jamuna ke teer
Slowly he reached the shores of the Jamuna
Khan khan madhav birha madeer
Madhav felt the bittersweet pangs
Use kaahe bhool na paao
Why can?t you forget her
Mathura nagarpati?.

Tumhari piriya ab puri gharvaali
Your love is now a complete housewife
Doodh navan ghivoo din bhar khaali
Getting new milk and busy the whole day
Biraha ke aansoon kab ke,ho kab ke ponch daali
The tears of separation have long since been wiped away
Phir kaahe dard jagaao
Then why awaken the pain again
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokuljaao
Oh lord of Mathura why are you going to Gokul

The Daily Dairy

Today morning, out of the blue I got this call from an old friend (whom I've lost touch).We studied MBA together (at least the 1st year, later he vanished in thin air for no apparent reason). OK, so coming back to the point, he called me in the morning to ask— what’s wrong with my blog site, as it's not opening up. I was taken aback, as I’ve not given my blog a teeny weeny thought in last 2 months. That’s not surprising. Along with stopping blogging, I've also stopped going for walks, reading a book, keeping in touch with those who matters blah blah blah.

But his query about my blog actually made me damn happy, that, someone at least is reading my blog, and bothered enough to call to know what is wrong with it. It came as a jolt and I hope it act as a catalyst which will push me in taking up where I have left off. I have no excuse for not doing it often enough. The one excuse I give myself is that I’ve joined this new place now, and I need settling down. But that’s a poor excuse. The job hasn't stopped my partying (it has increased it to many folds), gossiping or even arguing with hubby an iota (I am always up for it with him, poor soul)

I guess I should thank Sachin, who gave me a reason to start again!

Got a new job!

I just came across this site Pinterest, a micro photo blogging site, and I find it interesting. Like always I can’t wait to try my hands on it. Lots of changes have been happening since I got this new job. Though there is a level of discomfort in here at the moment, but I know it's all natural when you change your job and I've to give myself some time to overcome it.  I left Times almost 2 weeks back now and I am glad that I did because it was not peeling any potatoes for me. The main reason being, I was getting too cozier in my comfort zone. So I decided to jump ship and start afresh, and here I am among these new bunch of people,  where, it’s only about style, fashion and writing. I am still not use to this “yellow pant” culture of the office here, but I am not complaining. Much to the chagrin of my hubby, he’s already worried about his pockets. 

Scripps National Spelling Bee Competition 2011

Phew, just called it a day in office and no swimming for me today as it's TGIF.  Anyways my real reason of jotting down my thoughts today is this awesome Scripps National Spelling bee finale, 2011, that I saw last night ( If you have no clue about Scripps check it out here ) and boy I loved itttttt! I have been following Scripps ever since my school days. Many a times I'd secretly imitated being a  participant, asking questions like " May I have the Origin please? or "Are their any alternate pronunciation?". The whole idea of knowing a word to the core might be alien to us Indians, but seems its not so alien to US kids of Indian origin, they are rocking the US soil with their dominance. ( Why can't the Government of India raise the bar of primary education in India). The participants spelled words as difficult as "Prospicience, Pococurante, Appoggiatura, Laodicean, I haven't heard any of them let alone spell it. And these all are the winning words spelled by Indian kids over the year in the Scripps. Out of the 13 finalist last night, 6 of them where Indian. Sukanya Roy eventually went ahead to win the competition. The world is going ga-ga over Indian intellect, we have 9 Scripps winners in past 13 years and this was the fourth consecutive win for Indian Kid. The stat shows it all. How I wish I could seize a little time from my schedule to learn the nuances of words. I think one has to start early if they want to develop a niche. It also depends on how good your primary education is. The spelling bee is a competition I can place over the French Open. We also have a Spelling Bee small level competition in Metros but the level is too pathetic to compete with it's US counterpart. This competition made me remember my school days. I had a swell time watching it after so many years.

P.S : The picture is of Sukanya Roy, her winning word was “cymotrichous.” which means wavy hair. How about that for some hair raising ending. I was almost breathless with happiness and jumped up with joys at 2.30 am all alone amongst the sleeping In-laws & a snoring husband.

Back In Pool !!

I am running a fever now because  my youthful sigh exuberance has let me down. One hour swimming & swallowing the pool water had me lying flat on my back. Only I know how I have managed to come to the office today (I am aching all over) . Though I am not a so called swimmer, I haven't reached that stage yet, I can just about traverse a distance with my head dipped in water and flip-flopping my legs & hands, that stage of intermittently breathing while swimming hasn't been reached yet. It will take some practice to get there, as the Coach said. God but it's such an amazing feeling to simply let your limbs go weak in the water. I am feeling so much lighter nowadays, I already feel I have lost all that extra weight (wishful thinking , I know). This Gurgaons, Gymkhana club turns all noisy and boisterous during summers and it's so easy to loose yourself in the surrounding watching the kids with their mommies or pot-bellied daddies. And some of these kids are such nice swimmers that they are putting my effort to shame.  Not just them, there are some real cool dudes and dudettes exuding their charm to catch a fish or two. Just a look is enough to set in this dark complex feeling about the number of bulges I owe. Apparently I am not letting that patronize me. I've promised myself a nice floral swim-suit if I learn at least 1 stroke to perfection this summer and till than I am stuck with the only one I own and abhor. Needless to whine about it here, as I am all intent about not investing a penny. Now that's a motivating thought a skimpy costume, I am not thinking about how i'll look though, that's a spoiler. Swimming for me is still a feel good thing for me and I am immensely loving it!