Can you explain the feeling of love, exciting, fear, adrenaline all together? Is there a word for it. I don't think so. One can only feel it, and I had that moment on a Sunday afternoon, 18th December, 2011. In a span of few minutes my whole life changed. I took a deep breath, stared at my reflection on the mirror, and simply laughed inside the loo. Do I look any different? Have I changed? Does it show on my face.
OMG, I'm going to have a baby!
I can't believe it. I've never imagined myself as a MOMMA. Yes! I’ve a habit of creating hypothetical situations, and even dealing with it all in my mind. For instance, I’ve often imagined myself to be divorced from hubby, and living alone, somewhere far off in my own cloud cuckoo world with my parents. I imagined winning the KBCs and made plans about how I’ll spend the money and stuff like that. But, I have never considered myself as a mommy material. Never thought for a second, how will it feel to have a life growing inside you, to have the whole sole responsibility of a baby. The thought seemed alien to me a year back.
But from past 6 month, the idea of motherhood was tickling me really badly. Suddenly, I was desperate to have a baby. For reason unknown to me, I was almost wishing it happens every month. And it did. In the bathroom, I hugged myself almost clutching the news to myself and wondering how to break it to my man. I peeped through the bathroom door and saw him watching TV intently. I lay down next to him and hugged him close.
And I was about to say, when he asked:
"So", are you?
I said: "Yes"
After 4 and half years of marriage, I know petty "words" are never a means of communication between us. Hopefully, we'll sail through this in our own unique way.
P.S. I know I am too late in jotting down my pregnancy journey, I am almost 6 month pregnant now, and the baby belly is just about visible.
God, I can't wait to flaunt my belly.