No Place for Walker

I can’t help feeling a pang of sadness as I put away Aurko’s walker up in the loft of the store room—he is walking full fledged these days. Though it’s not as if I am bidding good bye to the walker, but still it broke my heart to realize he is growing so fast, that he don't need it anymore. I have noticed, he don’t EVEN look like a little baby, more like a little toddler. A toddler? It seems like yesterday when I hold him for the 1st time. Parting with his baby clothes is again a sentiments ridden task, I've been hoarding everything since his birth, and he is 14 months old now. Imagine the clutter. I have become such a hoarder, I literally have closet full of cute little baby stuff because I'm so sad to put it all away in boxes. It's so hard to get rid of these stuffs, I feel sad that he will not be able to fit into all these clothes ever again. My baby is no longer a baby and knowing that I soon have to part with this chapter of my life is what breaking my heart.

Stop me if you can! Though in the picture he is sitting and not running. But boy,  you have to see him riding this to believe me? He use to be as fast as a flash. I wish I had a good video of this. 10 month old Aurko.

1st time in a walker, and he was a little scared. 8 Months old.

I can even run on sand. 14 Months old Aurko.

Moves like Jagger

Mommy to be!

And then I saw the two lines forming in front of my eyes!

Can you explain the feeling of love, exciting, fear, adrenaline all together? Is there a word for it. I don't think so. One can only feel it, and I had that moment on a Sunday afternoon, 18th December, 2011. In a span of few minutes my whole life changed. I took a deep breath, stared at my reflection on the mirror, and simply laughed inside the loo. Do I look any different? Have I changed? Does it show on my face.
OMG, I'm going to have a baby!
 
I can't believe it. I've never imagined myself as a MOMMA. Yes! I’ve a habit of creating hypothetical situations, and even dealing with it all in my mind. For instance, I’ve often imagined myself to be divorced from hubby, and living alone, somewhere far off in my own cloud cuckoo world with my parents. I imagined winning the KBCs and made plans about how I’ll spend the money and stuff like that. But, I have never considered myself as a mommy material. Never thought for a second, how will it feel to have a life growing inside you, to have the whole sole responsibility of a baby. The thought seemed alien to me a year back.
But from past 6 month, the idea of motherhood was tickling me really badly. Suddenly, I was desperate to have a baby. For reason unknown to me, I was almost wishing it happens every month. And it did. In the bathroom, I hugged myself almost clutching the news to myself and wondering how to break it to my man. I peeped through the bathroom door and saw him watching TV intently. I lay down next to him and hugged him close.
And I was about to say, when he asked:
"So", are you?
I said: "Yes"
After 4 and half years of marriage, I know petty "words" are never a means of communication between us. Hopefully, we'll sail through this in our own unique way.


P.S. I know I am too late in jotting down my pregnancy journey, I am almost 6 month pregnant now, and the baby belly is just about visible.
God, I can't wait to flaunt my belly.